you are 0kay
by CrowsGurl
Summary: This is not 0kay. You are not 0kay with this. Oneshot, Aradia's POV, hints at SolAra and SolFef.


**Homestuck belongs to Andrew Hussie; this drabble belongs to me.**

Your name is ARADIA MEGIDO and you are DEAD. You have been so for an immeasureable amount of time and have found that you are ENTIRELY 0KAY WITH IT. You have an unnerving lack of VISUAL OR VERBAL EMOTIONS and because of this, your friends want nothing to do with you.

There is that and the fact that you are COMPLETELY INVISIBLE to them.

As previously stated, you have come to terms with it. You are perfectly 0kay with being dead. And invisible. Your emotions have rotted away with your physical body and no longer plague you. You simply glide along on your side of the thin veil between reality and the afterlife; which is not to say it _isn't_ part of reality, really there is little difference, but the veil is what keeps you out of sight and out of mind.

You have good reason to believe that all of your friends have forgotten. Not simply moved on, but completely forgotten. This does not surprise you, it is impossible to surprise you, nor does it upset you. You continue to feel hollow and drift after them, keeping loose, apathetic tabs on them.

To be entirely honest, you have only been keeping tabs on most of them. You have yet to spirit your way to your ex-matesprit's communal hive to see how he is faring. It is very possibly the only thing in your lifeless existance that is not 0kay.

That is why you have finally decided to check on him.

You are simply floating in front of his communal hive; staring up at it with pure white eyes and pursed brown-black lips. The vague silhouette of his lusus is visible as it pulls idly at its chains and, had you any left, you may feel a tinge of sympathy for the beast. The only true life it knows is being chained and caged. You know it will die soon, though, and then it will be free of its mortal prison.

Procrastination aside, you eventually find yourself in front of his door. It, of course, is no barrier for you; this does not stop you from standing there like you had so many times in your life. Happy, sad, concerned... You used to find yourself here with all _sorts_ of emotions, though now only their disoriented echo is able to stir in your still bloodpump.

You quell it and push on.

Phasing through things is not difficult, nor is it time consuming, but it always gives you a light-headed feeling as your body disappates on one side and reappears on the other. You are 0kay with this, however, and have grown used to it. Discomfort is your normality.

He is not in the livingblock. This does not surprise you. Nothing does. You gently drift forward, peeking into the dirty nutrientblock and still find no sign of him. The door to his respiteblock is ajar and you hover towards it, hand coming up uselessly to rest against the old wood and-

You turn away before it can register.

This is not 0kay.

You are not 0kay with this.

This is the very least 0kay you have been since you died.

A sickening wave of _truly caring_ washes over you as you abscond; through the door, down the stairwell, out of the lobby, though you don't stop there. You continue. You could continue until you've made your way around the whole of Alternia and again find yourself here if it so struck your fancy.

Eventually, though, you slow and dwindle to a stop. You had seen it. You had seen it with your own opal eyes. The reflection of light streaming through the blinds, glinting off of a.. a dirtied bucket. One that lay strewn beside the bed, among the clothes; the black clothes, the grey clothes, _the blue, green and pink clothes._

You are no longer feeling 0kay with being dead. This is the farthest from being 0kay you could possibly imagine. You had told yourself that it was over. Sollux had moved on. What choice had he? You.. suspected he could hear you. Once or twice, but you'd seen him from afar, accompanying another of your friends, and you had turned tail like a ghostly coward. You had yelled after him, though, and for a moment he had stopped.

He had stopped and turned to look in your direction.

But you'd fled before he could so much as wrap his thinkpan around the voice, the name. Your name. You knew he would slowly grow well again, that he would move on, but you had never _ever_ allowed yourself to ponder on his Quadrants. They wouldn't remain barren forever; they couldn't. He'd be culled for it.

Why, then... why does this break your haze? Why does this tear at you through the veil of death and seem to squeeze your bloodpump into action only to kill it a thousand times over? Why does seeing him with her make you feel as though you'd died all over again?

You are dead. He needs life. Who better to go to for life than the Witch of Life herself? A title that means little now, not yet, but it stands. Sollux had craved for life, the life you do not have, so why -_why_- did you feel so betrayed?

You had asked yourself why you felt nothing now that you are no longer amongst the living. You asked, you pondered, you may have even wished, and now that it had happened, it.. hurt. It hurt. It hurt more than having those tendrils of red and blue tearing through your frail body; limb torn from limb, mahogany blood mixing with the slightly darker blood of her lusus, who lay dead at your feet.

It hurt, but... you will be 0kay.

You are always 0kay.

You feel as though you will have to wait all of eternity to be 0kay.

And you are 0kay with that.


End file.
